Live to see...

Live to see, my child. Live just long enough to see yourself die. Live to see your shadows outgrow you. Watch yourself slowly become an entirely different person. While the structure and shape may change, the soul remains. The ideas, the thoughts, all stretched out and distorted. The look and feel of you, subjective a thing as it may be, will skew overtime. So is it growing up or is it growing down? Live to see it, sir. Be there, keep yourself company old boy, and in good company you shall be. Live to see your perfections rattled. Live to see yourself in a memory, choose how you should feel about that memory. Choose carefully. It’s your fucking memory. You don’t need any editorial oversight there do you? No sir, not now, not ever. Live to see yourself betray yourself. Accept that inevitability now, and it will make the passing of time all the more bittersweet. Drown yourself in yourself. Be patient, but don’t wait for it. Live to see your actions mean more than you will ever mean. No one cares for a person just because. It’s all in the legacy. It’s all in the deeds, the crimes, the favor you curry, these things will replace you when you are gone so get busy. Live to see yourself on a Sunday with nothing better to do, then work it all out. The life that lives you, you will leave it behind, and live a life, and a life to live is alive at least. Live to see yourself alive, a young man in his prime doing prime things. Building a bridge to himself. On the banks of his river, a man, an island apart. Cultivate the tensions that will raise that bridge slowly overtime. Don’t rush things now. Live to see yourself in a foreign land, doing foreign things. Spanning the void with your little spidery legs. Get all wrapped up and cozy in it all. Pat yourself on the back, look how far you have gone. Know that you used to be so small, and now you are so big. Live to see yourself a happy boy, doing happy things. Pick a flower, kick a kitten, what ever makes you smile. Get visceral with it, don’t let it go to waste. Pay no mind to what the consequences might be. They are only there to teach you, and what good is that to you? You’re so smart, you’re so witty. You handsome man you. You devil, you fiend. Embrace it, all that internal dialogue, it’s all for you. This is you. Your guiding hand. The inner conflict, the majestic struggle just to be. The turmoil you face down with such grace. You’re poised, you’re strong, you’re so big now. Live to see yourself as yourself. As you truly are. Take yourself out of the equation. Don’t let him fool you. Your ego and your id in a fist fight, and there you are taking bets. The odds are good. There is opportunity here. The line is out, and you’ll make out like a bandit won’t you? Because you know what’s coming. You’re ahead of the curve aren’t you? You smiley fuck. Stand tall in the back of the joint, but stand still. Take in the scene, be cool, be quiet. You talk too much, and frankly, you say nothing. What are you doing? Now is not the time. Live to see yourself not dancing, especially not now. You must learn to crawl, walk, and run before you dance. No time for such leisurely things, not yet. Maybe in your golden years you should be so lucky to dance, slowly, with your brittle little bones. Now is it’s time to be a mystery. Don’t give yourself away. Keep it to yourself. Maybe share it with a pretty girl sometime, but save that for later. For god’s sake man, you’ve only got one. Live to see yourself in love with yourself, in love with the world, in love with the girl, in love with the love. You have to earn it, so get to work. Raise that bridge, get to walking on over it. Toil, toil. File away all those awful things about yourself. Steady your nerves, boy. Nothing to be afraid of here. One foot in front of the other. This is you, isn’t it? Is it?

The Flea, The Bird, The Blood, and The Ego.

In persistence lies an inescapable truth, a circular hole swallowing up sentient minds then funneling out their ambitions into one singular purpose. This drive that carries us inevitably overtakes the initial intention of the matter. It lays in wait and manifests itself as an afterthought, curtailing any actual progress. To circumvent this fate one must free himself of desire, unburden his ego, and starve his id.  Empty the caches of memory, flatten the unseen borders emplaced around you unwittingly. The prize is not at the top of the mountain, it is in the climb. We must reflect upon this in our every action. Never lose sight of a rogue ideal, it will double back on you, and sure as the sun sets, it will bite you on the ass. The moment you think you have it right is the very same moment you can be sure that you are wrong. DO LESS. Take for instance the common flea, waiting, fashioning a home for itself with in its humble surroundings. Consider his ways. This home is but a temporary keep. A few strands of carpeting, loose gravel and the like will do fine until it makes itself at home imbedded in your skin, and as your very life blood becomes its own it should think, "What a happy home I've made for myself". Moving on up. Progress, like a bird just past it's fledgling stage, falling out of the nest, and hoping it doesn't hit the ground before it gets the chance to build a nest of it's own someday. We all have these things in common with the flea and the bird. We all wait for our turn, we're all waiting for the house hold pet to wander along, lest we wait for the borax. Watching ever so eagerly out of the corner of our eyes for any preceived threat to come and try to take away our big chance. This drives us, we want the fear. We love a good enemy. It's only the ego that separates one from the other. The voice that tells you your blood is more important to you than it is to the flea. This voice is the only real enemy. The pride filled bolstering inside that says you deserve better, demands you take more. Fill your gullet, engorge yourself on the blood of the world 'til not a drop remains for any others. Make your home young flea, beat your wet wings. Heed the call of that voice that tells you it is you.  Name your enemy, meet him with a smile. Remember, this is your blood, not his.